Truths On Being Single From A Happy, Confident Woman
By Sarah Blackwell
When I was married, I was NEVER asked why a woman such as myself was married. In fact, it never crossed my mind that anyone would be as bold as to ask any woman a question about her choice of relationship. Boy, was I wrong!
Since being single, I can count numerous amounts of times that men have blatantly asked me why a “girl” like myself is single? I am uncertain of their motivations or the purpose of this question. Is it intended to harm or hurt me in some way, or is it a compliment? Is it a passive way of asking “how am I broken?” Since we all know that single people must be broken in some way. Ha! Disagree.
What kind of “girl” am I, you may ask?
Well, the kind of girl that can live her life with three children, have a growing business, love herself and love others without being attached to people, places or things.
I am guessing that kind of girl. But I could be wrong.
So guys, the next time you meet up with a single woman you think is awesome, instead of asking her why she is single, acknowledge the attributes about her that you consider to be pretty great qualities. Embrace what it is about her that you are attracted to and TELL HER. It does not make you weak to show your vulnerabilities and feelings to a woman, even a stranger. But the trick is to do it in a way that is genuine and not creepy – but I’ll save that for another blog post.
Here are a few reasons why a woman like me are single (and this is just me – please don’t assume that all women are single for these reasons).
1. I Am Tired – tired of taking care of everybody else but myself. Men my age and older may be established in a career and in life, but they want to be cared for – and I don’t blame them! I want the same thing, however, too much neediness and red flags and I’m hitting the road of single life quite fast.
2. Some Men Are Scared Of Me – and I am only 5’2”! They would never admit it, but there is something in a man’s body language and eyes that screams out his insecurities when he meets a “girl” like me. It’s in the way he fumbles with his words, his uncertainty of what to say or how to act around me and I can sense it. I can sense it from ten miles away. I still admire him and enjoy his company, but sometimes, it takes too long for him to warm up and I am traveling the road of single life once again.
3. I Am Honest – and I mean really honest. I speak my truth and I reveal my feelings honestly and openly no matter how long I have known someone. This is because I don’t want to carry that baggage around with me all day or in my relationships. I need a man that can handle this, respect me and know that my feelings are not his responsibility to fix. All he needs to do is listen, reflect and figure out if he can love me deeply enough to create space for me to feel free to do this.
4. I Love Sex – with the right person. I write about sex and the importance of getting to know your vagina, so yeah – I have no problem talking about sex. This doesn’t mean I sleep around or will expose my sexual side with just anyone. A man has to earn his right into my pants and my soul. Sadly, not all men know this. They misunderstand a “girl” like me to be easy and will give away my body to them with making minimal to no effort.
5. I Walk The Talk – of health and everything else that is going to make me a better person. This also means that, when I say I am going to do something, it means there is a 95% chance that I am going to do it. My boyfriend is going to have to be okay with this and handle my BIG dreams and aspirations for myself, love and support me and not think I am crazy for wanting to live my dreams.
6. I Want To Be Seen – seen by a lover, a boyfriend or a friend. I want the people that I surround myself with to enjoy my company and appreciate me for who I am and not who they want me to be. I want to be seen with my boyfriend and know that he is proud to be seen with me. I want him to look into my eyes and see my strengths, weaknesses, vulnerabilities and soul.
7. I Have No Clue What I Want – just like every other single person out there. In fact, I think many married folks are unsure they even know what they want. It’s human nature to have self-doubt. One thing’s for sure, I embrace not knowing what I want and communicate and grow with the people that are in my life. We help each other figure life out. My boyfriend will be okay with the ebb and flow of life’s decisions and we will navigate them together; he will have my back!
8. I Don’t Eat Meat – I actually eat a high raw food diet. It is my life, my work and my passion. My boyfriend will respect this and understand its importance in my life and for my children.
9. I Am Choosing To Be Single – at any given moment in my life. I choose me. There will be a time in my life when I will choose a man. A special one.
10. I Actually Have A Boyfriend – he just doesn’t know it yet.
Every woman has her own reasons for being single, just as every man out there has his reasons. One thing is certain though and that is I know myself. That is the kind of “girl” I am. If that is what makes me single or any of the ten points above, then so be it.
Sarah Blackwell, M.H.S., BA (CYC) is an Author, Speaker, Raw Food Health Coach and mother of three children.Sarah holds a master’s degree in Health Studies and has been working with families and children since 1998.She is dedicated to transforming your life by being your teacher so you can become the best version of yourself.Sarah helps you rediscover yourSELF through food awareness, fitness, fun, love and creating honest relationships.
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