How To Not Lose Yourself In A Relationship
How To Not Lose Yourself In A Relationship
Written by: Danielle Boroumand
For as long as I can remember, I exuded confidence, I loved to love and I often would be told that I wore “rosy colored sunglasses,” especially in the romantic relationships I held with men.
While all my past relationships were successful in their own way, when the time came for the door to close on these relationships, I found myself grieving not only the loss of someone I once considered a best friend and lover, but also the loss of the greatest thing I had – MYSELF.
The woman who once exuded confidence and often danced to her own beat, was now the same woman with doubts and questions. When had I abandoned myself? How did I let this happen? Where do I find my true authentic self again?
This reoccurring pattern seemed to make a cameo in all my past relationships. I compromised my values and accommodated my significant other’s feelings more than my own. I felt empty. I was exhausted. And after a 5-year relationship came to a screeching halt, leaving me feeling depleted, I knew it was time for a change.
Who do I get to be in a relationship to show up powerfully? How can I thrive within love and partnership, while maintaining the highest version of myself?
I’ve spent several years studying love intermingled with taking valuable time to be in a relationship with myself. Not only has this time been immensely valuable in who I have become as a woman, but the ground that I stand on in relationships is now stronger than ever. I no longer fear being in relationships and losing myself in the glorious abyss of love.
There are so few things that are more important than maintaining your identity while in a relationship. Maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself is the foundation of any healthy relationships we intend to hold in our hearts.
Whether currently in a relationship, or awaiting a future romance, here are a few tips to practice maintaining your identity without losing yourself.
#1. Date Yourself
If there is anyone who knows you best, it’s YOU! Whether it be quiet time to read a book or journal, shopping to buy a new outfit, or a day at the spa, TREAT YOURSELF! For me, I love going to the movies and checking out a solo matinee. I don’t have to share my extra buttered popcorn with anyone, I can sit wherever I want and if I choose to skip the previews, then so be it!
#2. Create Boundaries – And Stick To Them!
You know who you are, you know what you love, your wants, needs, deal breakers and deal makers. Knowing these things about yourself allows little room for compromise. After all, your strong sense of self is what is sexiest and that confidence can and will help you stick to what is important for you to thrive in your relationship.
To feel fulfilled in relationships, be clear on your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual needs. Communicate these needs with your partner and know your non-negotiables and what you are unwilling to compromise. Not honoring your boundaries is the same as not honoring yourself. This is when relationships begin to feel exhausting and draining.
#3. Friendship Is Forever
It’s easy to get caught up in love. Especially in new relationships, wanting to spend all your free time together feels great and like you just can’t get enough. But with that, it can be easy to forget about how important it is to spend time with friends. At the end of the day, we look to our friends for advice and support and they are the ones we turn to if our relationships don’t work out and we need comfort or a shoulder to cry on. Scheduling regular time to simply catch up with your friends can go a long way.
#4. Do You, Be You
Often when we are in love, we get comfortable. We forget to show love, be love and sometimes we forget to maintain our interests, because many things become “we.” It’s important to remember that love does not request or expect you to be something or someone you are not, or uncomfortable with being. Don’t lose yourself just because you found somebody, instead find yourself and continue to love all of you unconditionally.
And most importantly, always remember that you never NEED someone to be or feel complete. Know and trust that you are perfect, whole and complete all on your own beautiful self.
Danielle is a native New Yorker who has finally found her way to the Best Coast where she is living and loving in San Diego. She runs on laughter, good tunes, and striking up random conversations with just about anyone. In her down time, Danielle is a freelance writer and blogger with a passion for finding the right words to truly capture her surroundings and emotions.
Latest posts by Danielle Boroumand (see all)
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS