Today, my friend Stephanie Kwong is going to talk to you about how to have compassion for yourself. We’re really excited to be bringing people from our community into our videos so THANK YOU, Stephanie, for being a part of our movement and sharing your beautiful gifts of inspiration with the world. We appreciate you!
The Importance Of Self-Compassion
“When we give ourselves compassion, we are opening our hearts in a way that can transform our lives.” – Kristin Neff
Today I want to talk about one of my favorite topics, the power of self-compassion.
A lot of us grew up believing that being nice to ourselves was selfish or narcissistic and so we fell on the complete opposite side into self-hate. I want to show you how powerful and necessary it is to absolutely fall in love with yourself and speak to yourself as you would a best friend (and convince you that this is NOT narcissism!).
Compassion for yourself can transform your world and be a motivator for you to live your full potential. Once you change how you treat yourself, the way you treat the world will change and the influence you have on others for good will expand.
Let’s Take A Look Inside
I want you to take a moment right now and think about how you treat yourself when you’re trying to achieve a goal, or when you make a mistake, or when you fail, or when you don’t do something you told yourself you’d do.
Are you compassionate with yourself? Meaning, are you kind, patient, gentle and understanding?
Or are you a bully and you listen to that little voice in your head telling you that you’re not doing well enough… you’re too fat… you don’t matter… you have to be perfect… you’re not worthy… or you should just give up. You know what voice I’m talking about?
If you’re kind, compassionate and understanding, then you are one of the few people who know how to treat yourself. But if you criticize or beat yourself up and what you want is to feel good, well, then it’s time to switch that up. Because how you treat yourself has a major impact on the quality of your life. It’s not something outside of you that will bring you the happiness, inner peace, or motivation that you want, but it’s the relationship that you have with yourself.
Being Kind To Yourself Is Not Just A Nice Thought… It’s Science!
Dr. Kristin Neff, a researcher on self-compassion, has found that people who are COMPASSIONATE with themselves are MUCH LESS LIKELY to be depressed, anxious and stressed and are much MORE likely to be happy, resilient and optimistic about their future.
How do you want to feel?
You know, it’s so crazy how many people treat their friends, family and even strangers WAY better than they treat themselves. I don’t know if you’re one of them, but I know I was. And the harsher I was with myself, the harder life was.
Compassion is something that we value in our culture to give to others, but I know that so many people struggle with giving compassion towards themselves.
So why is it so hard to turn that compassion towards ourselves?
One of the biggest reasons for why it’s so hard is that people feel they need to be self-critical in order to motivate themselves or keep themselves in line. We think that we won’t make the same mistakes again if we beat ourselves up for them. But that doesn’t work, because as I shared with you, self-criticism is very strongly linked to depression. And if you’re depressed, you’re not able to be motivated, which causes us to lose faith in ourselves. Also, if every time you fail or make a mistake you beat yourself up, you’re going to try to avoid failure at all costs, which means you may not take risks.
The way you speak to yourself and treat yourself matters.
Studies have shown that self-compassion is a powerful motivator to stay the course and achieve your dreams, because it creates an internal environment where you can enjoy the process because you’re nice to yourself instead of mean. Self-compassion helps you to accept your imperfections, find the gifts or lessons in the failures and helps you feel safe to take the next risk to try it again and go bigger. Imagine if you had someone constantly encouraging you, rooting for you and being kind to you whenever you’re struggling. You’d have all you need to keep on moving. Well, why not let that person be you?
If you’re ready to live a vibrant life and be the support you need to live into your full potential, then it’s time to bust out some self-compassion and give yourself a freakin’ break! It’s time to give yourself some big love.
Tips To Increase Compassion For Yourself
#1. Pause And Reflect
When you are in a difficult time, if you fail, are scared, are feeling self-doubt or notice something you don’t like about yourself, hit the pause button and think about how you’d treat a friend, or your younger self who was struggling with a similar situation and treat yourself with that level of kindness and understanding.
What would you say to your friend or your younger sibling? What would you think about them? And, how would you comfort them? And then do that.
It’s time to treat yourself with the same type of kind, caring support and understanding that you would show to anyone you care about. When you’ve got your own back, you can get through anything.
#2. Write A Letter About Yourself As If You’re Not You
Something else you can do to start cultivating more self-compassion is to take the time to write a letter to yourself as if you were your friend writing about you. What would your friend say to you or about you? What words of encouragement would your friend have for you?
If you’re stuck, you can even ask some of your closest friends for ideas. Then check in with yourself and see how you feel after writing the letter and go back and read it whenever you need a boost of self-compassion. And if you want to supercharge your practice, try writing a compassionate love letter to yourself every day for one week.
#3. Positive Mantras
Another way to remind yourself to be compassionate is to have a go-to mantra that you can say to yourself when you catch yourself thinking mean and self-critical thoughts. Something like, “I’m going to be kind to myself in this moment,”or “I know other people have the same struggle, I’m not alone, there’s nothing wrong with me.” Pause, take a deep breath in and out and then gently repeat the phrase to give yourself a break from the cycle of negativity and self-doubt.
#4. Learn To Comfort Yourself In A Healthy Way
And the last bit of compassion you can give to yourself to start shifting how you treat yourself is to comfort your body when you’re feeling stressed or in self-judgment. Eat something healthy. Drink water. You can take a walk or lie down and rest your body. Take deep nourishing breaths. Anything you can do to feel better physically gives you a dose of self-compassion.
I invite you to start giving yourself some heaping doses of compassion. You deserve it and life will be so much lighter and magical when you do. It’s a practice that will be worth it.
If you enjoyed this video, please share it and leave a COMMENT BELOW. Tell me how you are going to show yourself some compassion this week!
Remember, we’re in this together.
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Stephanie Kwong is a transformational life coach, hypnotherapist and speaker on a mission to empower and inspire people to love themselves and live their greatest lives. She believes in the power we all have to transform our belief systems and habits and uses a combination of science, metaphysics, coaching and hypnotherapy to make it happen. In addition to working one-on-one with clients, she created a ‘40 Day Self-Love Transformation’ online program that has helped thousands around the world increase their sense of worthiness and self-love. Her current obsession is creating her upcoming podcast ‘Rise Higher’ sharing unfiltered stories, mindsets and practical tools from people who have elevated their lives to achieve success. She’s also releasing her “Miracle Mindset Mastery,” which shows how to rewire your subconscious beliefs to create miracles and abundance in your life. Outside of her work, Stephanie’s favorite things are the people in her life, good food, passport stamps and being a dancing machine.
Check out the ‘40 Day Self-Love Transformation challenge here.
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