5 Ways To Stop Being A People Pleaser – Mindset Monday
POSTED ON August 11, 2017 BY Drew Canole
“When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.” – Paolo Coehlo
Have you always said “yes” to people in your life? Do people know you as a “yes” man or a “yes” woman? Have you been called a people pleaser?
If you answered yes to the questions above, then it’s likely you are going through your life filling up everyone else’s cup but never fully filling up your own. How long have you been doing that? How long have you been running on empty because you are so busy making sure everyone else is okay?
I get it. I’ve been there too. I love people and I love to give. I’ve been known as the “yes man” on the block. I use to think I was being selfless and being a good person because I would give even when I was not doing okay… but then I figured out the root of the problem…
The Root Of People Pleasing
At the root of my inability to say no was this: the need for APPROVAL, and lack of self-worth.
That’s right. In being a people pleaser, it was out of a need for approval from those around me and a lack of self worth. And that also means that when I was in that energy of “people pleaser” I was actually being a TAKER and not a GIVER.
Sit on that for a minute.
When you are saying yes to things you don’t want to do because you don’t want to rock the boat or be thought of poorly, you are actually being a taker. You are taking approval from the people around you and basing your self worth off of what they think of you.
Listen, if you’re reading this post today, I know that the idea that you may be a taker sounds harsh… And I know that your authentic self is NOT a taker, but instead, a giver. Deep in your heart you LOVE to give. You thrive when other people light up around you and when you can be a rock for them. Am I right?
But I want you to shift out of the mindset of always needing to say yes and think about what it’s all costing you.
Self worth issues?
Inability to be present?
I’m going to give you 5 powerful ways to STOP being a people pleaser so you can get what you want out of life!
5 Ways To Stop Being A People Pleaser
Bending over backwards for people when you don’t want to do it is NOT a good way to live. I want you to be free to express your authentic self, which of course includes being a giving soul, but also a self-empowered being who knows how to create boundaries.
#1 Spot The Takers
“Givers need to set limits because takers rarely do.” – Unknown
There are people in your life that are taking over and over and over again. You’ve got to know how to spot these people so that they don’t suck you dry! Take a few minutes to think about the people who come to you constantly for help, for validation, for approval… but who rarely give back. These are the kind of people who leave you feeling exhausted and run down. Be aware of these types of people so you can set stronger boundaries with them (or sometimes let them out of your life entirely).
#2 Be Honest About Yourself
“Nothing makes you more vulnerable than your refusal to be honest with yourself about what you want.” – Charly Emery
Be honest with yourself and your ways of being. When you are serving someone, take a close look at your motives. Are you doing it from your heart? Or are you doing it from a place of wanting their approval? Or, are you doing it because you secretly want something in return?
Be honest with yourself. You know what your motives are. Be clear with yourself so that you can shift to a higher way of being that serves you AND them.
#3 Get Clear On Your Vision
“Create the highest, grandest vision possible for your life because you become what you believe.” – Oprah Winfrey
Get really clear on what you want in your life. Go deep. Is being a people pleaser and running yourself into the ground bringing you closer to your dreams? To the life you really want? To joy, intimacy, passion, empowerment, love, boldness? Whatever your vision is, cling to it. Make it big enough so that when you fall into your people pleaser, it has the power to pull you back out.
#4 Create Boundaries
“Your personal boundaries protect the inner core of your identity and your right to choices.” – Gerard Manley Hopkins
With the people who are around you regularly, how often are you saying no? 1 in 4? 1 in 10? 1 in… never? Are you letting people use and abuse you (intentionally or not) because you are refusing to stand up for yourself? It’s time to set some boundaries! Give yourself permission to say NO. Give yourself permission to create win-win situations for you and the people around you… meaning YOU get to win too.
#5 5 Minute Favor
“We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.” – Ronald Reagan
When you are a giver or a people pleaser, it is easy to get involved into someone else’s project for hours at a time. I know you will literally leave everything you are working on so that you can focus on someone else’s stuff for however long it takes to “fix”. Hours, days, even months sometimes. You know I’m right!
I’m not saying this is a bad thing. What I want you to do is, whenever possible, try to keep your favors to other people short and concise. Give them five minutes of your time, completely free and without expecting anything in return. I do this multiple times a day and it feels awesome! But I keep it laser and I focus more on empowering them to do things themselves rather than sacrificing my entire day. This way I don’t rob them of their own growth opportunities, but I do give them my time and love.
I know these five principles work because I live them in my own life. What else helps you let go of your need to “people please”? Comment below.
And remember, we’re in this together.
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Drew Canole is a rockstar in the world of fitness, nutrition and mindset, with a huge heart for others and doing his part to transform the world, one person at a time.
As the founder and CEO of Fitlife.TV, he is committed to sharing educational, inspirational and entertaining videos and articles about health, fitness, healing and longevity. He is also a best selling author and the founder of Organifi, an organic, incredibly delicious greens powder, chock-full of superfoods to make juicing easy no matter your busy schedule.
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