5 Tips To Have Sex Like You’re Single (even when you’re not!)
Written by: Sarah Blackwell
Let’s face it, married sex can get boring, repetitive and monotonous. Maybe that is why so many couples are introducing things like “swinging,” or having “open relationships”. But for those of you who value monogamy and simply want to spice things up in your married (or committed relationship) life, here are a few tips to get you started having sex like you’re single again and remind you why you are with your lover in the first place.
1. Surprise your mate: One thing that makes single-life sex so good is you never know when it’s coming. This means that both the lady and the gentlemen need to always assume they could get some action at any time, so being prepared is important. Only you know what will surprise your partner. If it’s something you have never done, or you know they would never expect, then you should DO that one thing. Prepare yourself for something that makes you feel a tiny bit uncomfortable by understanding that doing things that push you out of your comfort zone can not only help you grow as a person, but help both of you grow as a couple. Sexual exploration together can bring you closer and strengthen your marriage when done in a loving, trusting environment. If you are having trouble coming up with ideas, you can make a Sexual Bucket List together, sharing some of your fantasies that you would like to make a reality before you leave this Earth (this is a great place to get ideas on how to surprise your spouse and may even lead to tip #2 below).
2. Take turns going down on each other: Although it is often said that most women stop giving oral pleasure to their husbands, sometimes men don’t spend enough time between the legs of their woman either. You need to communicate this to your spouse in a loving, non-confronting way so you can enhance your connection and continue an open dialogue about your sexual desires. Married sex can get hurried with non-existent foreplay, so lock the bedroom door and have fun burying your face between the legs of your spouse. Even if that is all you do, without bringing him/her to climax, spend some time down there reacquainting yourself with the pleasures of oral sex. Take turns pleasuring one another and enjoy the process of exploration and experimentation.
3. Pretend you don’t have kids (in a healthy way): Let’s face it, getting barfed on, changing diapers or dealing with teenage drama is not much of a turn-on. So you may have to get creative in taking off your ‘parenting’ hat so you don’t lose sight of your role as a lover to your spouse. No matter how you go about pretending that your little bundles of joy don’t exist for the time you spend fantasizing in the arms of your lover, it will indeed strengthen your sexual bond. Parenting is tough, but building your relationships is often tougher and you need to take that time to caress, make love, grab or spank each other in ways that remind you of the primal connection the two of you have. You can do this in a healthy way by communicating with older children the importance of spending time together as a married couple. You can network with other parents to seek out trustworthy babysitters. The thing is, the more you do it, the easier it is to do it the next time. And the more you’ll want to do it regularly. Practice doing this while your children are young so you keep your sexual engine revved up for your partner, as well as have more energy for parenting your tiny humans.
4. Masturbate: When you are single, you don’t necessarily know when your next lover will come along, so healthy sexual beings pleasure themselves. It keeps sexual energy moving, your juices flowing and your interest in sex from disappearing somewhere under the bed with the dust bunnies. Masturbation in a marital relationship can often get mixed up and considered a chore to be done because you feel sorry for yourself and you start to feel like you are not getting enough action from your spouse. Instead, change your mindset and masturbate because it brings you closer to your body AND your spouse. You can share what you learn about your body with your spouse. This may even add a new dimension to your sex life if you include each other in your self-pleasure.
5. Take pride in your beautiful body: Your body is your temple no matter if you are single or married. If there is one thing that almost all single people do, it is to work out so they can look good naked. You can make time to nurture your body and care for it, even in a busy married life with children. Taking pride in your body is something you deserve and when you have someone to share your body with on an ongoing basis, it is truly a gift. When you can share the beauty of being naked with your spouse, you build connection, love, trust and sexual tension (in the best way). Once your pride and confidence in your own body begins to shine, you can start spending more time being naked and doing things you wouldn’t normally do unclothed (ie. Yoga – seriously, this is a real thing). So dig down deep and seek out that drive to own your body and take charge of it once again. You can exercise, walk, hike, dance, play a sport together or find your own individual activities to do. You will exude a new level of confidence in and outside of the bedroom (or wherever your sexual escapades take you).
This is just the beginning to having sex like you’re single. Whether you have been married for 30 years or you’re newlyweds, keeping that constant simmer of sexual energy between the two of you takes effort and commitment. When you invest in yourself, you invest in your relationship, which will extend to raising a loving family and being the best version of yourself you can be both for yourself and your loved ones.
Sarah Blackwell, M.H.S., BA (CYC) is an Author, Speaker, Raw Food Health Coach and mother of three children.Sarah holds a master’s degree in Health Studies and has been working with families and children since 1998.She is dedicated to transforming your life by being your teacher so you can become the best version of yourself.Sarah helps you rediscover yourSELF through food awareness, fitness, fun, love and creating honest relationships.
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